How to Grow a Legendary Beard: the Ultimate Guide
Whether you're wanting to grow a little ranger's stubble or a wizard's flowing beard, there's more to beard growth than not shaving. Even if you've grown a beard before, growing a truly legendary beard - one admired by all the tavern ladies - is harder than it looks.
We'll cover all the essential do's and don'ts of beard growth, imparting our ancient tips on tending to your face fuzz. No matter if you're patchy or not, this is the ultimate guide to growing the best beard your ancestry will allow.
So, stay your mighty razorblade, gather up your potions, and follow us on man's most epic quest: to grow a legendary beard!
The Basics of Beard Sorcery
The first task is a simple one, decide how you want your beard to look. Obviously, the longer the beard, the longer it takes. For ranger's stubble, you'll be finished in, at most, a few weeks, whereas a Paladin's finely groomed mane may take you several fortnights. And if you're aiming for the full-wizard, you'll be studying Beard Sorcery for many moons.
Once you've decided, follow these steps:
- Use Beard Sorcery Oil routinely whilst growing stubble to reduce itchiness
- Let it grow for at least a month, month and a half to fill out
- Improve growth through exercise, sleep, and a proper diet (so no late nights at the tavern)
- After about 5-6 weeks, trim your neckbeard, exfoliate with a brush, and trim any longer hair.
- Now, it's time for you to decide on your own style, one that best compliments your facial structure
With around 30,000 beard hairs on the average man's face, you're left with a lot of choice about styling. But trimming at random is likely to look less like a legendary beard than a rash. That's why we group hairs into five key patches:
- Moustache: Upper lip hair
- Goatee: Chin and lower jaw hair
- Soul patch: Hair directly below the lower lip
- Sideburns or mutton-chops: Cheek and jawline hair
- Neck: All the hair below the jawline
Most beard styles revolve around removing one or more areas of a full beard. The choice is yours.
Factors affecting beard growth
Just as not everyone is born to wield a sorcerer's magic or pull the sword from the stone, so too is beard growth influenced by our ancestry, our genetics. So, if your father or grandfathers donned an immaculate beard and a healthy growth, you're likely to also benefit. But, never fear, even if you've not been blessed by the deities of Beard Sorcery, you can still grow a legendary beard.
Here are the factors that'll improve your growth:
- Age: The younger you are, the better your beard grows. Peak growth occurs between the ages of 25 to 35, having started at 13. Once again, genetics determines who blooms late or early.
- Exercise: Lifting heavy or running hard all help boost testosterone - the magic ingredient in beard growth. So, if you want a bigger beard, do some pushups, pull-ups, or deadlifts.
- Sleep: Everyone needs their beauty sleep, not just princesses. Getting a solid eight hours per night will improve beard quality and growth. That's because sleep lowers the body's temperature, increasing blood circulation to your hair follicles and roots.
- Quit smoking: If you enjoy a nice pipe of Longbottom leaf, it's time to cut it out - it's hurting your beard growth! Tobacco leads to hair loss and reduces circulation: that's bad news!
- Stress: We've all noticed how we shed hair when stressed. Well, what's true for your scalp is true for your chin.
- Diet: Like plants in the garden, beards need the right conditions to grow. Enough protein is needed to make the hair, and vitamins B, C, and D, as well as zinc and iron, are essential for steady growth. Eating a hearty and healthy diet is critical.
Hearty Foods for Beard Growth
When you're growing a beard, you need to think carefully about what you're dining on. A man's beard and his diet are one.
These are five of the best foods for beard growth:
- Spinach: Popeye might have been smooth-cheeked, but if you knock back your spinach, you won't be. Rich in calcium, iron, magnesium, protein, and potassium, it's the perfect ingredient in your beard growth regimen.
- Eggs: Full of protein and brimming with iron, calcium, and zinc. The perfect addition to any meal - eggs are the answer to your beard woes.
- Cinnamon: Add a dash of cinnamon into your diet, and you'll encourage oxygen to your follicles, increasing growth.
- Oysters: More than an aphrodisiac, these seafood delights are rich in protein and zinc essential for hair growth.
- Sweet potatoes: The beta-carotene in sweet potatoes is readily converted to vitamin A in your body - a critical ingredient in a luscious beard.
The Finale
There you have it. Eat well. Quest hard. And weave a little magic. Before you know it, you'll have the most legendary beard in the land.
Just remember to keep using that beard oil daily to reduce the itchiness and soften your facial hair. It'll ensure shaping and grooming your beard is a dream.
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